I’m becoming addicted to Netflix - not watching the movies, just reading the “members reviews.” Really. They’re better than Bill Maher. Just give them a really bad movie to chew on and they spit out vitriol that would make Don Rickles envious.
Here’s some examples for an awful movie called “Sweet November” from 2000, starring Keanu Reeves and Charlize Theron. I would summarize the plot but these reviews tell you all you need to know. I hope I’m not violating some law by re-printing these member reviews but it is sorta the same as getting it in a forwarded e-mail, isn’t it?
“Man, I don't know where to start. Saw this one on a plane to Chicago. And to make things worse I was sitting between two very large mammals who were knocked out possibly from some sort of tranquilizers. Anyway, in this movie Charlize Theron is a free spirited soul and she is dying. So what does she do? She spends her last days with Mr. Keanu "Whoa" Reeves. Did this movie make me cry? Yes it did, I cried because I didn't have a razor blade handy.”
“Worst movie ever. Free-spirited girl brings happiness to all-business guy. Dogs & cartwheels on the beach. Gay next door neighbor. Dying of cancer. Cancer patient wears a rag on her head, even though she's not undergoing chemotherapy. Boy without a dad finds companionship. Yup, this movie has all of them.”
“How does that Keanu guy continue to get work? This is the single worst performance is the history of Hollywood. This movie is terrible. Predictable, contrived...a tear jerking formula-film directed by a hack. Everyone involved in this production should be lined up and kneed in the privates. In fact, I should be kneed somewhere in the groin region for renting it.”
“Won't somebody shoot Kneau Reeves so we don't have to watch another one of his terrible acting jobs. This had to be his worst, please don't tell us it isn't.”
“The movie would have been much better had Charlize Theron's character simply killed herself at the beginning, Keanu Reeves following by suicide ten minutes later, thus reducing a 2 hour tragedy to a somewhat gratifying fifteen minute tragedy.”
“My wife and I watched what some have billed a date movie. If I took her to see this during our courtship, who knows, maybe we wouldn't [have been] married for 25 years...”
“I don't think words can describe how bad this movie is. I think Keanu Reeves may even be a worse actor than Ben Affleck. If that's possible. This movie isn't worth the disk it's burned on.”
“terrible movie - the story is completely implausible, the dialogue is completely phony, Keanu gives a typically flat, wooden performance, and there is not one genuine emotion in the whole film. Your average X-Files episode is more believable than this movie.”
“Just an awful movie, with a sickly sweet premise and an ending that's sappy enough to make any decent person sick to their stomachs. If anybody in your life behaved this way, you'd kick them -- November or not.”
“Saw this on TV- was advertised as the Kleenex tearjerker movie of the week. And I DID need the hankies- I busted a gut laughing at this stupid movie! Just when you think Keanu can't act any worse than he has in ALL of his other movies, he does! It's a gift or something I guess. And just think- he makes a bazillion dollars doing it too!”
“Keanu Reeves (who struggles so hard to deliver a good performance that sweat glistens on his forehead) finds himself in an odd relationship with an enigmatic free spirit (Charlize Theron). The movie thinks it is making some strange statement about the meaning of love. What I got was that self-absorbed will never find true happiness (duh) and I utterly loathed Theron's character, who is so odiously manipulative, self-centered and vain ("I don't want anybody to see me sick! Remember me as healthy and beautiful and really good in bed.") that I wanted to snap the disc in half and save anyone else from watching this movie!...”
Here’s some examples for an awful movie called “Sweet November” from 2000, starring Keanu Reeves and Charlize Theron. I would summarize the plot but these reviews tell you all you need to know. I hope I’m not violating some law by re-printing these member reviews but it is sorta the same as getting it in a forwarded e-mail, isn’t it?
“Man, I don't know where to start. Saw this one on a plane to Chicago. And to make things worse I was sitting between two very large mammals who were knocked out possibly from some sort of tranquilizers. Anyway, in this movie Charlize Theron is a free spirited soul and she is dying. So what does she do? She spends her last days with Mr. Keanu "Whoa" Reeves. Did this movie make me cry? Yes it did, I cried because I didn't have a razor blade handy.”
“Worst movie ever. Free-spirited girl brings happiness to all-business guy. Dogs & cartwheels on the beach. Gay next door neighbor. Dying of cancer. Cancer patient wears a rag on her head, even though she's not undergoing chemotherapy. Boy without a dad finds companionship. Yup, this movie has all of them.”
“How does that Keanu guy continue to get work? This is the single worst performance is the history of Hollywood. This movie is terrible. Predictable, contrived...a tear jerking formula-film directed by a hack. Everyone involved in this production should be lined up and kneed in the privates. In fact, I should be kneed somewhere in the groin region for renting it.”
“Won't somebody shoot Kneau Reeves so we don't have to watch another one of his terrible acting jobs. This had to be his worst, please don't tell us it isn't.”
“The movie would have been much better had Charlize Theron's character simply killed herself at the beginning, Keanu Reeves following by suicide ten minutes later, thus reducing a 2 hour tragedy to a somewhat gratifying fifteen minute tragedy.”
“My wife and I watched what some have billed a date movie. If I took her to see this during our courtship, who knows, maybe we wouldn't [have been] married for 25 years...”
“I don't think words can describe how bad this movie is. I think Keanu Reeves may even be a worse actor than Ben Affleck. If that's possible. This movie isn't worth the disk it's burned on.”
“terrible movie - the story is completely implausible, the dialogue is completely phony, Keanu gives a typically flat, wooden performance, and there is not one genuine emotion in the whole film. Your average X-Files episode is more believable than this movie.”
“Just an awful movie, with a sickly sweet premise and an ending that's sappy enough to make any decent person sick to their stomachs. If anybody in your life behaved this way, you'd kick them -- November or not.”
“Saw this on TV- was advertised as the Kleenex tearjerker movie of the week. And I DID need the hankies- I busted a gut laughing at this stupid movie! Just when you think Keanu can't act any worse than he has in ALL of his other movies, he does! It's a gift or something I guess. And just think- he makes a bazillion dollars doing it too!”
“Keanu Reeves (who struggles so hard to deliver a good performance that sweat glistens on his forehead) finds himself in an odd relationship with an enigmatic free spirit (Charlize Theron). The movie thinks it is making some strange statement about the meaning of love. What I got was that self-absorbed will never find true happiness (duh) and I utterly loathed Theron's character, who is so odiously manipulative, self-centered and vain ("I don't want anybody to see me sick! Remember me as healthy and beautiful and really good in bed.") that I wanted to snap the disc in half and save anyone else from watching this movie!...”
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