SHOPGIRL - a pop quiz

1. Steve Martin is either:
(a) a first rate artist and thinker who has made the almost impossible jump from lightweight comic to satiric genius to writer of real “literature” and weighty scripts; or

(b) a pretentious pretender to Woody Allen’s dubious title as the aging clown who wants to make us cry and who egotistically miscasts himself as potential lover to 20-something girls, without Bill Murray's self-restraint.

2. “Ray Porter,” the character he created in his novella and his screenplay and plays in the film is either:
(a) an emotionally crippled but basically decent man who has reached the stage in his life where he can accept ‘love’ only on superficial terms, thereby losing a chance to assuage his isolation with true commitment of his heart, to his eventual regret; or

(b) a self-deceiving over-the-hill seducer of an emotionally fragile girl - the only prey he could impress with his sprayed on charm and ostentatious wealth.

3. Claire Danes is either:
(a) an enchanting actress who perfectly embodies an almost beautiful girl/woman who begins without self-confidence, but when treated as desirable and glamorous, becomes a radiant star; or

(b) an empty shell with a minimal emotional range and less sex appeal.

4. “Mirabelle Buttersfield,” the character Martin wrote and Ms. Danes portrays, is either:
(a) a delicate moth about to become a butterfly, with and for the right guy, finding the strength to face the pain of failed love and the possible rejection of her art; or

(b) a man’s idea of a foolishly immature and dull young woman who is drawn to losers and users, with every right to be depressed, especially when she is dumped by a sugar daddy, who buys her nice clothes and pays off her student loan, freeing her to miraculously "self-actualize" as a successful artist and finder of true love.

5. Jason Schwartzmann is either:
(a) a talented actor who shows surprising scope - able to credibly mature from male ditzy-slacker-nerdy dude roles to a more adult kind of “real” person; or

(b) still a B-list undergrad Ben Stiller type who can't even reach Adam Sandler's bootlaces.

6. “Jeremy,” the character he plays, is either:
(a) a socially inept and offensively insensitive boy who makes the commitment to mature when he senses hope for love from a terrific girl, and does grow up and gives his heart to her; or

(b) a caricature of a type barely remembered by the over-middle-aged writer who used to be a sort of “Jeremy” when he was THE LONELY GUY and THE JERK, but is now rich, famous and "wiser."

7. SHOPGIRL is either (a) a delicately balanced and tenderly performed movie about people adrift in the dreamworld of Los Angeles, a worthy sequel to Steve Martin’s previous satiric insights about this city, L.A. STORY and BOWFINGER, but with “a little sex,” and a straighter face; or

(b) an overwritten, over-directed, self-consciously acted embarrassment that aspires to but utterly fails to be what LOST IN TRANSLATION and BROKEN FLOWERS achieved.

The right answer to every question is: (a) or (b), depending on your digestion, tolerance, zodiac sign, the phase of the moon, your age, sex, marital status, and / or mood.